The past few days have been a little hectic in our household. Sarah came down with a pretty nasty fever on Sunday night. Truth be told, it was some scary shit. The weekend that started with so much promise, it ended with a late night dash to a 24-hour pharmacist and a sense of worry that stretched to the next day.
That fever couldn't come at a worse time; just days before she was slated to begin her next round of chemotherapy. Tests were run to see if she was OK to proceed . And she was. Because she's Sarah and she's tough as nails. So she went ahead with week #1 of this 12-week run. Eleven more weeks left. Eleven more weeks of hell. Eleven weeks is a long time on the calendar, but it's nice to be at this mile-marker. Then on to radiation and then we can put all this garbage behind us and try to get back to some sense of normalcy.
It's frustrating to see her go through this. I just want to hold her and make all this awfulness go away. And I think that's the hardest part for me, just the feeling of helplessness. I can't make her better. I can't make it go away. I can only be there by her side. And I guess that will have to do.
Last week while mowing the lawn I had a moment of clarity. I've never really considered myself a grown-up. Even at 32 years old I'm still in denial that I'm an adult. It's a scary world out there and this is the scariest thing I've ever had to face up to. I'm facing some grown man shit right now and how I handle it will be the measuring stick of what type of man I truly am.
We all know what type of man you are Bryan. The best kind.
ReplyDeleteStay strong, you're almost there.